Death and Dying

Tonight, I heard some challenging words from a man named Darrel McCarthy, one of the speakers/teachers of the "Perspectives on the World Christian Movement" class (a class that would benefit ANY Christ seeking Christian). He was talking about Jesus' mandate for the nations (a.k.a. the Great Commission). He talked about reaching peoples and nations and focusing on what is at the core of all of missions: one person telling another person about Jesus. Though I could write on this for pages, somewhere in these words were the words of which I spoke before. In his exaltation and encouragement to not only go, but "tell people about Jesus as you go", he mentioned some words that I'd forgotten about. When Darrel uttered these words, I knew in my heart that I was not conforming to the Jesus of the Bible. He said (and this he quoted from someone else) "When Jesus calls a person, He bids him come and die."

I am doing a lot of "good things", a lot of Biblically sound things; I study the scriptures, I pray, I meet regularly with the Body of Christ, which is his church. But one thing I was not doing was dying. "When Jesus calls a person, He bids him come and die." This statement is profoundly powerful, not just because of what it's saying, but because of what it means; or to put it another way, because of what it implies. I can say to you, if you work your body by running and lifting waits, your body will hurt. What that statement says is because you are working your body, it will hurt. What it implies is, because you are working your body, it will hurt not only after the work is over, but all the time you are working. So the statement "When Jesus calls a person, He bids him come and die" says, because you are following Jesus, you will die. But what it implies is, because you are following Jesus, you will not only die at the end of your journey, but you will also die the entire time you are following Jesus. Now think about that and compare that to your daily walk with Jesus (if you have one). If you can't see the way in which you're dying daily in your walk with Jesus, welcome to the table. Pull up a chair and listen. I will admit freely that I don't have the answers. If I did, and still found myself in this predicament, there would something seriously wrong with my relationship to Jesus. The only thing I have to offer here is some thoughts and encouragements; not answers.

As I heard these words come out of Darrel's mouth, I thought to myself, "That is not what my faith walk looks like. How can I make it look like that?" As I said before, I don't have an answer, but a few things were planted in my mind shortly after that moment. First of all, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to have a relationship with Jesus that led me to die daily, but the reality was I didn't. I didn't because I'd never explored what it actually looked like to die daily in MY life. I'd studied Jesus life, and Paul's life, briefly Peter's life, I'd seen the conclusion of Stephen's life; I knew what it meant to die daily, I just didn't know how that dying daily would manifest itself in my life. Then, I thought, these men all were persecuted beaten and imprisoned for their faith. If I somehow managed to get myself imprisoned for my faith in a country that boasts in its citizens' freedom to religion, that would be impressive, but most likely, I would be doing something contrary to the love and teachings of Christ. I then realized that it's not death itself, whether that is a physical death, or another kind of death, but rather the act of dying that is important. All throughout Jesus' life, he was dying daily, but it was the decision to die that was so massively important. For Paul, it was not the imprisonment and beatings that gave the most strength to those around him; it was the decision to carry out the action that carried those repercussions that gave those around him the most encouragement.

So through this series of thoughts I stumbled on an important piece of my puzzle. Jesus even says it! How could I have missed it? "Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Matt. 16:25)." It's not the dying, but the decision to die. Now comes the big question, and the one I have no answer for at the moment. What does a decision to die look like in my life, or, in what capacity can I seek to lose my life for Christ's sake. It is something that I will have to think and pray about, to think and pray hard about because it's not a decision that will come easy. To choose to die, to will my life away, is something that is so absolutely contrary to our nature as humans that to those who don't know Christ, it's pure insanity, and to those who do know Christ, it seems impossible. "With man, this is impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matt. 19:26)." Jesus said these words, and I believe him whole heartedly, but that doesn't make it any easier. I can truly say that, even righting this, seeing myself down the road standing at the fork in the road when the decision is to be made, to comfortably slide by, or to die to myself, to surrender my life wholly and unconditionally and lay it at the foot of the cross where my savior died for me, it makes me shiver. Will I have the faith? I want to say yes, but I truly can't answer that; I have absolutely no idea what that choice will look like, but I do know that it will come.

If this is a question that is weighing on your soul as well, you're not alone. I said at the beginning that I had no answers... I lied. I have but one. Pray. "Pray that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak (Mark 14:38)." Jesus said these words to his disciples as he was preparing to die on the cross. His disciples with him while he prayed to the Father, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will (Matt. 26:38b)." Even for Jesus it was hard. He was sweating drops of blood. I will never know how hard it was for Him. I can't expect the decision to be any less difficult for me. All I can do is pray and lean upon the power and sovereign love of Christ and God the Father.

Difficulty aside, I leave you with the eternal and sovereign words of Jesus: "whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."